I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
