You just made me feel so damn special
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
