smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
