her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
