Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
