girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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