Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
