This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
