Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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