Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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