Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
