if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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