It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
