Soap is not a condiment
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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