'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
