Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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