i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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