you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
