garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
