so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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