The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
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