I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
