Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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