Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
