And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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