I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
