I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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