is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
