apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
