She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
