eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
