Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
