I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
