well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
