I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just threw up on my dentist
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The power of my boobs compel you
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
