Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
