we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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