I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
soo... how was my night?
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