my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
