Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
