I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
