You can't motorboat a personality
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
