Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
