Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
