my mouth tastes like poor choices
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
