You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
