everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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