Tell her she can't have a vagina
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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