i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
