I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
