why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
