we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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