i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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