Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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